Basically, life is finally catching up on me. I suddenly realised I've got quite a lot of work to do on both English and German if I want to be nearly finished with school before Christmas, so I'm sorta stressing myself out about that. It's no good to actually stress out about it so much... there's little I can do to change it right now and at least a part of it is out of my hands anyway. I am just so fed up with the work itself. It's murdering my brain! *lol*
Crystal therapy's going really well, actually. I finished two lessons and learned a lot of new things from it. It's the first time that physics/chemistry has managed to keep me focused throughout the entire text, too. Practically speaking I just had to learn about the way crystals are shaped and how they grow and what gives them their colour and so on. When I first laid eyes on that particular part of the text I just sighed and was convinced I wouldn't be able to get it into my head, but I was actually able to remember most of it afterwards. There's nothing like surprising yourself every once in a while. Yet, also, I'm already worrying about what will happen if I finish with the entire course. By then I'll have nothing else to do and my parents simply won't allow me to take the Druidry course. That was a really unexpected decision, to be honest. Just when I thought they were fine with it, I suddenly heard a big "no" coming from my Mum's mouth when I wanted to discuss it with her. It's not bloody fair... especially not if there's practically no reason at all that explains why they don't want me to do this.
Apart from the school-side of stuff, I am also concerned about myself. I have been neglecting a lot of things that I felt and thought lately, because I am scared to death of those. It doesn't make sense to me somehow that it's all coming back to me at this moment. I know the current status of Planet Earth is going like "out with the old and in with the new", but this is a very exaggerated version of it all the same. Lately everyone's been mentioning stuff that relates to my old therapy and to a period in my life that has not been on my mind for quite a long time. I so desperately wanted to close this chapter and write a new one that I forgot the complete storyline in doing so. *sighs* I know that I'll come face-to-face with some of my worst fears in the upcoming months and the brilliant bit of it is that no one who is physically present in my life knows anything about it. Only my online friends know a small portion of it and so they're not here to catch me if I do fall into blerghness again. It just makes me sick to my stomach to realise that I have not forgotten this and that all my fears are still there. Fear of loss, fear of abandonment, fear of being alone. Gotta love the fact that God wants to teach me something. *rolls eyes*
Anyways, I'll be off now. Might type more later on, though I can't promise it.
I wish you starlight in your souls!
I don't exactly know how much time I've got, cos I have to go visit my aunt as well and I'm not sure on when my parents want to leave. So, I'll just make a quick update out of this one... I hope.